Recently, the Daily News’ Kevin Modesti wrote a piece called “Nine Things to Look Forward to in 2009.” You can read that along with a goofy, collage thing that I made to go with it at the bottom of this page.
Kevin is just a damn fine writer and I am no match for his pithy (the most overused word of 2008) wit, but it did make me think about some stuff. So, I’ll try to put that stuff into some 2009 kind of context.
Disclaimer: The following may well be somewhat less-than-Modesti-optimistic and you might rather go here.
Here’s more than nine things I think:
- George Bush and maybe more importantly, Dick Cheney will be gone. Need I say more? If that is not something to look forward to in 2009 than I will shoot myself in the face with a shotgun.
- We get a bright, young, charismatic (the second most overused word of 2008) visionary in the White House. The always clairvoyant Joe Biden may have predicted that, “It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy,” but my guess is that he will not authorize an invasion of Cuba (or Iran or North Korea or Venezuela, or Pakistan or Pacoima.)
- George Bush and maybe more importantly, Dick Cheney will be gone — sorry, I just love the sound of that.
- I keep reading that the economy will get a lot worse before it gets better. Has anybody else heard this?
- The war in Iraq has so far cost a staggering $585,457,262,785. That’s about $341.4 million per day or $1,721 per person. Raise your hand if you can think of a better way to spend a half trillion dollars. Why don’t we just:
- Get out of Iraq and take $100 million dollars per day and pump it into the economies of countries that hate us.
- Take another $100 million dollars per day and subsidize farmers in Columbia and Afghanistan so it would be more lucrative to grow coffee and fruit crops than coca and poppies.
- Take another $100 million dollars per day and pump it into health care and education in places like, oh, I dunno, Pittsburgh and Pacoima.
- Take the last $41.4 million dollars per day and put it into research and development of renewable energy sources.
- Maybe we could skim a teeny amount off to try to save the newspaper industry.
If we did all of the above, I doubt we would be in any worse shape than we are now economically, socially or politically.
- How is it possible that with all the extraordinary talent in Hollywood that none of the major studios can come up with an original idea? Entertainment Weekly’s cover story this week is about the new year’s must-see movies which include yet another “Harry Potter,” (the sixth) “Wolverine,” which is a spin-off of the three previous “X-Men” films (which are spun up from comic books) and there are no less than two more in the works, “Terminator,” (the fourth) and “Public Enemies,” a John Dillinger biopic starring Johnny Depp. Hmmm, that’s never been done. Although I enjoy most of these films, love Johnny Depp and Terminator, I’m just sayin.
- In 2009 major Hollywood studio execs should step away from the comic book store and go to the Lammele, maybe see a film made in France or Spain or Ireland or even Romania. What? You can’t make $400 million on a film about a street musician and an czech immigrant or illegal abortion? Maybe a better plan is to make films about a 1960s era cartoon family that lives in the stone age or a modern day version of TV show witch who is married to a mortal advertising executive.
- Don’t get me started in the e-v-i-l RIAA. I’ll let others speak on that.
- Besides bookies, does anybody really care?
Just a few things that we should just do:
- Get rid of paper dollars and use dollar coins and get rid of pennies. Anybody ever been to Europe? The single dollar bill, as iconic (overused word alert) as it is, has lost it’s charm. Either redesign it (like the prettier $5 bill) or discontinue it. And pennies now cost more to make than a penny. How does that make sense? It’s another classic example of Americans showing a feeling of vague or regretful longing for “simpler times.”
- When we text or IM each other we should try harder to use decent grammar and punctuation and … stuff. (This is one of my resolutions.)
- Carry around a few dollar coins in your pocket and give a person living on the street one or two once in a while.
- Stop texting or IMing someone’s phone with your phone.
- Live greener (another overused word.)
- With a little creepy emphasis, try to insert the word “ladies” into sentences during normal conversations and business meetings. “I think our site needs a better SEO strategy, laaaaaadies.”
- Be a Maverick.
OK, not that one. Not only is that an overused word, but it’s dull as dishwater.
Shooo word, shoo.